Bennett Walton
Bennett on their front stoop. Hair looking flawless.
-Music-
I constantly drive around the city now thinking about who lives close that I can just drop in on and bully into an interview. Bennett, bless their soul, was one of those people. These surprise interviews are some of my favorites though because they aren’t rehearsed in any way. Dan and I pulled down their dirt road onto a hill that reminds me heavily of somewhere up in the real Appalachian hills and knocked on the door.
Interviewed 5.16.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: So how are you?
Bennett: Doing pretty well, honestly. Yes. All things considered, I guess.
Casey: Tell me. What are some feelings you're having lately? Now that we're eight weeks in. It's hard.
Bennett: Anxiety. Anxiety has been real high. But like, it balances out.
Casey: What do you feel like you're anxious about?
Bennett: Not being able to talk, with any of the jobs that I normally would do. Not being able to provide the experience for myself or for other people that I've…that make me happiest in life. Specifically for my teaching job. Honestly, teaching has been one of the things that has kept me sane. Because I get to see these kids still learn and like do things and that's been like a great source of joy.
But at the same time, I have a class that I teach every Friday that the whole point of it was for them to be together as a band and playing. And actually they had a gig and they were going to play at the Inman Park Festival. Like we had a gig set up for them. And, you know, that couldn't happen. So it's been a lot of stress on me to try to still give them an experience that they can take away and be happy about and like feel like they accomplished something. But I just can't give them what they originally signed up for.
Casey: Yeah. And was anyone mad about that?
Bennett: No. Honestly, the response has actually been really great. We actually had a parent who was like, "We're honestly just glad that you're still doing this. Like, we're we're all really happy about it."
And all the kids want to come back next year and keep doing it. So I feel like I am doing something right. But then I mean, you know, really my real joy in life is playing live music and that's not a thing that's been able to happen.
Casey: How are you creating during this time, if at all?
Bennett: I have. I've been fortunate enough. There was a couple of projects still that as a composer, I was still able to do just, you know, at my studio. No other way it would have gone. Yeah. And those were fun and kept me going for a little bit. Now it's kind of just been following the wind a little bit.
Casey: In what kind of way?
Bennett: Following odd impulses that maybe I wouldn't have earlier. I did a whole song—whole song—it was thirty five seconds or whatever—just strumming chords and singing in the most ridiculous goblin voice that I could possibly do. So I know I probably wouldn't have done that otherwise, so.…
Casey: Are you are you finding that you're following a lot of those impulses with your time that you essentially have on your hands?
Bennett: I'd like to say more often than not.
Casey: Sure. But is that the reality?
Bennett: No, probably not. Honestly, a lot of the reality is like trying to find a routine to feel some sense of normality. But then also, what's the Whose Line Is It Anyway, "where everything's made up and time doesn't matter"?
Casey: Yeah, it's funny.
Bennett: It's a wide open field at this point.
Casey: So what do you find yourself doing during this time?
Bennett: Man, it's real ironic. I've spent more time sitting outside than ever before. Normally I'm kind of on the go more often than not. You take for granted actually being outside the house and even if it's just like going to work sitting outside. So I've been spending at least two hours a day outside every day. At least.
Casey: What do you do when you're outside?
Bennett: Everything. Scroll through the news, listen to music. Sometimes I just really just take in a lot of the wildlife around us. It's pretty amazing.
Casey: Yeah. You definitely live in the woods.
Bennett: Yes, we definitely do. I went out back a couple weeks ago and there was a giant owl just sitting there. And I was like, yeah, his head did the 180 degrees and looked at me and I was like, yikes,
Casey: Oh, my god. That's so cool.
Bennett: It was really cool.
Casey: How is your family? How's your family doing?
Bennett: They're doing well. My sister and her kids have isolated with my parents. They kind of go back and forth between the two houses. My sister in Florida has been doing okay. Her and her family have been holding down. I play video games over Switch with my nephew. That's fun.
Casey: Are they following guidelines and stuff?
Bennett: Yes. Everyone in my family has actually taken it pretty seriously, probably because my sister in Florida is a nurse. So when she was like, "Hey, wear a mask,” do it, okay?" And it kind of helps that my dad already is a bit of a germaphobe, so as soon as you were, like, "Wash your hands more," he was like, "I'm already on it"
Casey: Is there anything that you miss?
Bennett: I really do miss hugging my friends. Honestly. To this day, I would never call myself a touchy-feely person. But I really do. That actual physical contact with people is pretty important as human beings come to find out.
Casey: Do you feel like your life's changed a lot?
Bennett: You know what's crazy? I used to eat fast food at least a few times a week. It was fast, easy, and most of the time, I couldn't be bothered, especially after shows and things like that. At like 10:30? Cookout! I have only cooked for myself in the past two and a half months, which is the longest stretch I think I've ever gone with that.
Casey: Obviously it's kind of a safety thing but do you think you will keep doing that after this is all over?
Bennett: Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. It's one of those things, once you build a habit and have stuck to it long enough, it's easier to keep that rolling.
Casey: Are there any new habits or any sacred spaces or any sort of new rituals that you've created for yourself in this that you want to take forward?
Bennett: I think I'm definitely going to carve out an outdoor space for myself from now on. I'm not going to take the outdoors for granted anymore.
Casey: How does being outside help you?
Bennett: I've never been a person that felt confined inside the house. Coming home was always, you know, a good part of the day. So, you know, I think a lot of people might get a little bit more stir crazy. At the beginning of this, I was like, you know, I'm pretty good. I'll be okay for awhile. But at this point, all the time spent outside that 've not had in the past., that I've not taken that time for. Now I'm like, oh, man. I'm going to be doing that for sure, and hopefully with friends. Going to parks and other things like that would be nice.
Casey: To be outside but not alone.
Bennett: Yeah.
Casey: So we talked about how you are teaching and how you are creating your silly songs. Are you feeling motivated to create things in quarantine?
Bennett: I feel somewhat of an obligation. I feel like it's one of these things where we have the time. I should be using it more.
Casey: I get it. Motivation is hard.
Bennett: It's tough. It's hard to really bring this up. I feel like I'm using less of my day. My day is broken up a little weirder than it used to be,
Casey: In what way?
Bennett: My sleep schedules all out of wack. I try to keep to somewhat regular and my body was just like, naw, not going to happen. At least a couple of nights a week, I'll fall asleep at 8:30, 9:00, then wake up at 12:30, 1 am, then be awake for a few hours and then get to sleep like 4 am or 5 am, and then sleep for another couple hours and then wake up. So little mini naps broken up for the evening.
Casey: Do think that it's affecting you mentally and physically?
Bennett: Maybe. Yeah, it's possible. I know that I felt weird, but at the same time there's so many different factors right now, I don't know what to attribute to. I'm certainly not getting as much exercise as I used to.
My primary source of working out was yoga prior to this, and I tried real hard to connect with virtual yoga. It's been tough to lock in with the disconnect between when I've done it with live Zoom sessions and things. The skipping and pausing and things like that make it tough. Also, we just don't have a lot of space inside the house. So finding a space open enough for me to do yoga is is a little lacking. I can also touch the ceilings everywhere. So stretching to my capacity—not on the table. And as you can see, if you can find a level spot of ground anywhere out here, I would. And the backyard is the same. You're gonna roll down the hill. I've been I've been doing planks on the back steps. I've got like a four-foot just long enough I can stick my legs out.
Casey: What of your experience would you think is unique to everyone else's? Or do you feel a greater connection to everybody else, that you're all essentially doing the same thing?
(We were interrupted by people and technology cutting out on us)
Bennett: Now, what was the question?
Casey: I loved what you said about spending a lot of time thinking about your gender identity. Is that what you were going to talk about?
Bennett: Yeah. That's it. In pre-Corona days, I could spread out and think about myself through the lenses of the different hats that I wear—of being the theatre artist, of being the musician, of being the teacher of being, you know, the friend, community. And now it's just me. It's me here in my space every day. The things that I could leave at the door and go and be those other parts of myself that I'd rather focus on, I can't do that. Instead, I am forced to confront that metaphorical dirty laundry that's been sitting on the floor needing to be washed for a while. And it's a positive thing. It's not always an easy thing, but I'd say it's a good thing. You know, a lot of times, I'm a big procrastinator. I will wait for the last minute to do things. And so it's nice to have a little kick. That's like, "Okay. No. Now you have the time and there's nothing else to do. So you're going to have to deal with it." So I particularly have been using this time to work on my gender identity. I've been working on this for a couple of years now. But again, this is a time where it's just me everyday. So I get to wake up and really see who I want to be every day. And it's not me as a different person, per se, as much as it is looking at myself through a different lens. A different facet.
Casey: Is this time allowing you an ease of seeing that lens every day? Or is it just making you more comfortable with the different lenses?
Bennett: It's allowing me the time and space to play with those lenses and not worry about where I'm taking it. You know, I would many times have to think about these kind of things whenever I was going about like, "Where am I going? Who am I going to see? What situations am I getting in?" Every day I'm getting up and I'm here. So it gives me that space to be like, "It doesn't matter where I'm going. I'm going here. Who are you today?"
Casey: You're right. And then what would you want somebody to know? Does it still stand as before?
Bennett: Yeah, Fleetwood Mac, off their great hit Rumors, "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow.” Because yesterday is gone. What's the last line right before the chorus? "If life's been hard, just wait for what tomorrow will bring. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow."
Casey: I love that.
