Jessica DeMaria
@jessica.demaria on the pool deck
-Theatre-
This woman is an inspiration to all. Those of us who know her know that. Whenever my possibly postponed wedding eventually is my partner and I have asked her to be our officiant. So I would say I’m pretty close with her. You like how I’m forcing my undying love and friendship on her? Yeah, me too.
So when the quarantine hit and she asked if I wanted to come do yard work with her for money at a guy’s mansion in Buckhead I was happy to give something back to her and make up some money at the same time.
She was the first person I hugged during Covid-19 that wasn’t my partner. I got through the really scary parts of all this pulling weeds and cleaning pool houses with to her. So on a break from hosing down pool floaties, we chatted.
Interviewed 5.13.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: So tell me, how are you doing?
Jessica: You know, I was so vigilant and amazing at the beginning of this. Like, I had a daily to do list. I had a daily schedule. I was working out twice a day. I felt super motivated. But like as we went into week six, seven, now we're in week eight.
Casey: Oh my god, is that real?
Jessica: Yeah, it is. I just kind of like realized that wasn't sustainable. And I realized that I was thinking about this as a temporary situation instead of thinking about it as the new normal for an extended period of time. So I was operating on this, like it'll be done in X amount of time, and I can have this crazy organized, motivated model. But you can't. And it's like my life has never been like that. Like I never woke up and made a to do list. That's not my normal life. So the past, honestly, two weeks have been where I've really come to just sort of slow down, having trouble getting out of bed, more trouble than I had been before. Having trouble finding the motivation to work out as much as I had been. I haven't made a to do list in, I don't know, two and a half weeks probably.
This morning, my friend Shannon McCarren, she just—it's like she can sense it from all the way in Pennsylvania. She texted me, she goes, "How are you?" And I was like, "Fat, unmotivated, depressed." And she was like, "Hey, girl, that was me yesterday. So I knew it must be you today," and then she said, "I'm here to empower you," she said, "Get up, go outside." And like, that's the biggest thing. And so, like yesterday, going hiking and going on an adventure. That's like a big thing is being outside and changing my scenery. That's a big motivator.
Casey: So we talked about how you're going outside and you're living your life, but what else are you doing?
Jessica: So practicing my piano every day has truly been like the biggest joy because I haven't had, I mean I grew up playing piano, obviously, but I haven't had a piano in my home since I left home. Once my parents gave me the gift of a piano, a digital piano, which was unbelievably generous and kind. So now I have one and I play it every day and it brings me just so much joy. And so to have the time to just sit and practice and play on that makes me really happy. And then I've been doing The Artist's Way with two friends. And that's been really cool and fun and we were planning on doing it anyway and that it just so happened to coincide with being quarantined, which is actually helpful cause you can devote more time to the exercises.
Casey: Are you doing anything new in terms of ritual or habit things that you hope to take into whatever the new normal is like? Do you have any sacred new things?
Jessica: Yes, definitely the piano and spending each day with the instrument. That is definitely something I want to take forward. And also not using the excuse of being too busy because I mean, you should honestly never be too busy to be in contact with your friends and family. You know, I've been in so much more deep contact with not only my long distance friends, but like my friends right here, like more intimately than I normally would and making sure that I'm FaceTiming someone every single day, you know, and that's going to hopefully be something I carry through, make sure that I stay closely connected to the people I want to be [connected to].
Casey: Yeah, we have to be super intentional now.
Jessica: Right, exactly. And I think we should kind of always be super intentional with that. And like the other thing—I've become like re-familiar with who I am, honestly. Like what I want and what lights a fire within me. Part of that is working with The Artist's Way and part of that is just not having any jobs to like, this defines me right now, this is what I do. And I want to carry that attitude forward. It's like I'm the one that gets to tell everybody who I am, not whatever job I have, you know what I mean?
Casey: Is there anything silly or that, you know, you consider silly that you miss from before?
Jessica: I think I honestly just miss physical contact. I am so affectionate and I thrive on physical affection. I love hugging. I love hand holding. I love platonic cuddling. And other cuddling. But honestly, and I don't think that's silly, I think it's been one of those things where I've come to realize that that is so much of my language of love is touch. And I miss that. I honestly do not miss the bustle of running errands. I'm actually quite happy to not do that. But I do miss just going out and grabbing a drink at a cozy bar, you know, like that. I do miss that, with like a friend. But I think more than anything I just want to cuddle some people.
Casey: Is there anything else you wish people knew about what you're going through right now?
The unemployment is going to run out or it's going to get taken away. And to be in a position where you are free to go back to your creative life, whatever it may be on the other side of this, which is going to be different, you know, without that frantic mania of having to survive continuing. You know, I think you just kind of have to do the things you have to do and be creative about thinking about what those things are.
Casey: Yeah.
Jessica: I don't know. And I think maybe that's just like in general, because I really was thinking, I was like, "I could just sit here again or I could go to work and do this other thing that is not pleasant." I mean, it's great being outside, but it's not pleasant. It's exhausting. It's covered in bugs and gross, and my allergies are screaming. But, you know, I'll be in a position to get three weeks-worth of groceries and not have to worry, you know what I mean? I don't know. I'm not being very articulate today.
Casey: No, no, no. There are some people who just do that on a day-to-day basis that like having that experience as a creative is something you should want. You should need to know how, you know, people who aren't creatives function and go about their day because that only makes you a better artist.
Jessica: I agree with you. Knowing more stories and understanding more stories makes you a better artist. And it's also like there's this mindset of like, if you're a creative person, if you're an artist, then you get to just luxuriate in the nothingness of—I don't know, maybe it's a public perception or maybe it's our own internal perceptions, sort of like the in-between times are your time to just think and meditate. And those times are all important.
Casey: Yeah.
Jessica: But it's also something like, you know, I am tired of people saying that artists don't necessarily appreciate the value of hard work or don't know how to work hard. I mean, obviously I can sit here and argue that fucking doing a show eight times a week is like being hit by a bus eight times a week, physically. It is hard, but it's also my choice.
I don't know. I mean, again, I think it's just this blue collar mindset from my dad in terms of like, there's an insane amount of value in hard work and being in touch with your aches and pains, and being in touch with those grounding things that are just manual labor. And knowing that I'm not some bohemian in a kimono and like a vape pen, only.
Casey: Yes. You are a chameleon.
